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Daniel Kitson: 66a Church Road December 20, 2009

Posted by pacejmiller in Entertainment, Shows.
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I had never heard of Daniel Kitson before, but was recommended to see his show 66a Church Road: A Lament, Made of Memories and Kept in Suitcases by a friend of a friend.

Kitson is a 32-year-old, award winning English comedian who has been called a ‘genius’ on many occasions.  However, 66a Church Road is not your typical stand-up routine.  It’s really a 90-minute soliloquy; a one-man story about Kitson’s relationship with his flat in London’s Crystal Palace over a 6-year period.  There’s an occasional video-recorded voice over during breaks, but for the most part it is just Kitson sitting on stage surrounded by stacks of suitcases (many of which contain scale models of the apartment).

The reviews of the show have been overwhelmingly positive.  The Times says: “It is poetry shot through with laughter and pathos, a heartfelt reflection on what we mean by home….as good as anything Kitson has done.” The Sydney Morning Herald says: “You go home with a distinct feeling of absolute moral superiority.”

My own personal verdict?  The show sucked.  Really sucked.  Hear me out.

First and foremost, 66a Church Road is not funny.  For 90 minutes, the show probably elicited half a dozen smiles and a couple of forced chuckles.  Not a single laugh.

Yes, Kitson really knows how to talk (albeit very quickly).  He is supremely eloquent.  His delivery is poetic.  His musings are well structured and occasionally heartfelt.  But it’s totally misleading to call it a ‘comedy’ show.  66a Church Street is really a ’story’ show laced with infrequent, barely amusing lines.

Maybe it’s just me, or perhaps I was wrong to expect a comedic genius to deliver…well, a funny show.  The crowd was split into two camps.  There were a few randoms scattered in the audience that literally laughed at anything Kitson said.  Especially the guy sitting next me.  Seriously.  Every single thing.  Not even jokes -  just normal, conversational stuff.  It was surreal.

Apart from the crazies, everyone else was on the verge of death.  The guy next to my wife covered his face in his hands at least five times and yawned uncontrollably every minute or so.  If we weren’t sitting right in the middle of the row, we would have left about 30 minutes in when we realised it wasn’t going to get any better.  Some luckier people sitting on the sides actually did leave.

So that’s it.  Fans of Kitson (like the guy that sat next to me) will undoubtedly lap it up.  But for everyone else, either avoid or don’t expect anything funny.

PS: I actually did laugh out loud twice, but it wasn’t because of the show.  The first was when my wife leaned over and whispered ‘I’m so sleepy’, and the second was right after the show, when she said ‘That was so boring I thought I was going to die’.

Thoughts on Tiger Woods’ “Indiscretions” December 19, 2009

Posted by pacejmiller in Entertainment, Social/Political Commentary.
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Tip No. 1 from Tiger to Barack: don 't cheat on your wife with more than 14 women

No. 1 tip from Tiger to Obama: don't cheat on your wife with more than 14 women!

I began this post when the first couple of Tiger’s ‘women’ crawled out of the woodwork, but for various reasons never got the time to throw in my 2 cents on the story everyone is giving an opinion on.  Since then, more than 10 extra women have stepped forward claiming to have had affairs with the greatest golfer in the world (and at least one of the top two of all-time).  Just what is the deal?

The story

If you have been living under a rock the past few weeks, here is a brief synopsis.

News breaks – Tiger Woods involved in car accident outside his Florida home.  He refuses to speak to police, arousing suspicion that he has something to hide.  NYC nightclub hostess (whatever that is) Rachel Uchitel is rumoured to have had affair with Woods, which she vehemently denies.  Woods sends cryptic public message, causing rumours to get worse.  More women step forward claiming to have bedded the first billionaire sportsman, some equipped with ‘evidence’.  Then more.  And then even more.  Cocktail waitresses, ugly hags and even porn stars claim to have had a go.  Woods takes time from golf indefinitely to save his marriage.  Woods’ wife Elin set to leave him and take a massive chunk out of his fortune.  Jessica Simpson is thrown into the mix because they were photographed on a golf course together (??).

The list

As I understand it, here is the current list of Tiger’s women:

1. Rachel Uchitel – NYC nightclub hostess
2. Jaimee Grubbs – cocktail waitress and reality TV contestant (Tool Academy – and she wasn’t even the tool!)
3. Kalika Moquin – Vegas promoter
4. Cori Rist – failed model
5. Jamie Jungers – lingerie model who used Tiger’s money for lipo
6. Mindy Lawton – trailer trash waitress
7. Holly Sampson – ‘former’ porn star
8. Joslyn James – ‘current’ porn star
9. Loredena Jolie – Playboy model and hooker
10. Julie Postle – former cocktail waitress
11. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 11 is reported to be a “sexy” British TV presenter who was single at the time, but is now married.
12. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 12. is reported in a UK paper to be a “sex-addicted cougar.”
13. Julie Postle. Named by the New York Post, through her ex-boyfriend.
14. Theresa Rogers – cougar (before Tiger’s marriage so I guess it was okay)

My guess is any trashy woman who has ever gotten close to Woods and wants a bit of money will claim that they got it on with the Tiger, so I’m not sure how reliable all these allegations are.  On the other hand, there are probably many more out there that really did get it on with him but have either been paid off or don’t want to tarnish their own reputation, so they’re staying quiet.  Probably balances out in the end.  Regardless, cheating once is bad enough, isn’t it?  So what if it is 14 or 18?

Thoughts

Tiger’s public image has always been a bit too good to be true.  It’s not really as though he’s tried to put himself out there as a chaste family man (like say Naomi Campbell claiming that she doesn’t use drugs), but he had always managed to stay out of the spotlight off the golf course and kept his private life private.  Too late.

Who knew he was so good at getting it in the hole off the golf course?  On the course of fidelity, Tiger has shot a +14 right now, and it seems he’s still stuck in the bunker.

But really, is it that much of a surprise that he had an affair?  Honestly?  Good looking, fit young man.  Best golfer of this generation and possibly of all time.  Billionaire.  Ego almost as big as Michael Jordan.  Touring for most of the year.  Excessively private.

The shock for me was the number of women, and most of all the calibre of the women.  Take a look this photo of wife Elin (with Tiger).

Now take a look at this photo of Mindy Lawton.

Seriously.  After cleaning up your vomit, can you tell me what the problem is here?

And this whole business about ‘quitting’ golf indefinitely to save a marriage that is certain to end in divorce?  Another bad PR stunt.  Elin’s going to be a filthy rich woman regardless – there’s no reason for her to stick around and live with this douche and with the humiliation for the rest of her life.  The thing is, had Woods not been caught out, would he have had the conscience to stop racking up the ladies on his tally?  I thought so.  If only he had spoken to police instead of avoiding them (3 times), maybe nothing would have happened and he could have kept going, and who knows how many more women he would have cheated with?

The best thing for him is to keep playing and winning golf (which I am sure he will) because the public tend to forgive and forget as long as the sportsman is good enough.  No one talks about Muhammad Ali’s multiple affairs.  Not Michael Jordan’s either.  Insanely good sportsmen tend to be given a second chance without asking for it.

PS: now all we have to do is wait for some scandal to rock Roger Federer, and Gillette will probably go into administration.

Review: Jason Alexander’s Comedy Spectacular! December 5, 2009

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George Costanza is back, baby!

In my humble opinion, George Costanza (Seinfeld) is the greatest sitcom character of all time.  And naturally, the actor that plays George, Jason Alexander, is my favourite sitcom actor (and probably TV actor) of all time.

And so when I found out that Jason Alexander’s Comedy Spectacular was returning to Sydney, I didn’t hesitate to buy tickets immediately.  The chance to see the closest thing I have to a hero was too rare an opportunity to pass up.  It didn’t matter to me that the description of the show stated that Alexander was ‘hosting’ a night of comedy, which made me slightly concerned that they were merely using his name to promote a show predominantly featuring other comics.

The verdict?  Pure gold! By far the best comedy night I have ever been to.

This was truly Jason Alexander’s Comedy Spectacular.  Alexander featured all the way through the 3-hour+ extravaganza, and he was in superb form from start to finish.  The show began with a hilarious long solo stand-up act from the man himself (much longer than I had expected).  It wasn’t just recycled material either – there were plenty of references to more recent events (from the death of Michael Jackson to Tiger Woods’ indiscretions to Australia’s new opposition leader to of course, the wedding between 66-year-old Geoffrey Edelsten and his 25 year-old-bride Brynne Gordon which Alexander was paid to attend) and was full of improvisation and spontaneity.

Following the solo act, Alexander began introducing a stellar cast of local comedians.  On this particular night, he had stand-ups Glenn Robbins, Mick Molloy and Julia Morris, music-comedy trio The Axis of Awesome, and improv specialist Rebecca de Unamano.  For those who know a little about Australian comedy, this is a formidable line-up.  Good enough to sell-out venues even without the headlining superstar.  Here’s a brief review of each of the secondary acts:

Glenn Robbins – by far the funniest comedian of the night not named Jason Alexander.  He started off a little slow, but was absolutely on fire before it was over and had the crowds rolling in the isles.

Mick Molloy – the fat lady beside me sounded like she was about to die from laughter, but Mick’s comedy really didn’t do it for me personally – though to be fair he had a couple of good one-liners.

Julia Morris – consistent, female-oriented comedy with some decent laughs, but nothing that made me piss myself.

Axis of Awesome – great talents, but compared to the experienced and polished comics, felt a little amateurish – that was, until their final song, which was a bloody masterpiece.

Rebecca de Unamano – great fun because she utilised Jason Alexander’s talents and got the rest of the cast involved – and not a bad comedian herself.

The greatest thing was that even though the night was split between various acts, it was well and truly Alexander’s show.  He was there from the beginning, he was by far the longest act, and he continued to throw in gut-busting lines and jokes (often at Michael Jackson’s expense) between the other acts.  My favourite parts of the show were (in no particular order):

  • the Q&A session with the crowd before the intermission, which largely circled around Seinfeld, of course.  We found out what Jerry Seinfeld said to the gang before they went out for the last episode, what Alexander’s favourite George Costanza line is, and we even saw Alexander sign the leg of some dude in front of me who had George Constanza’s face tattooed on his leg!  No joke;
  • Jason Alexander’s amazing Broadway musical medley to kick start the second half of the show; and
  • the improvisation session with the entire cast which finished up the night – Alexander was at his absolute best, even outdoing the master of improv Rebecuitca de Unamano.

All in all, it was indeed a comedy spectacular!  Highly recommended if you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to see it.

5 out of 5 stars!

Inside Agassi and Becker’s secret rivalry October 31, 2009

Posted by pacejmiller in Entertainment, Tennis.
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agassi admission

Few people know the real reason behind Agassi's drug revelations

By now everyone should know about Andre Agassi’s explosive admission that he used crystal meth (the dangerous drug otherwise known as ‘ice’) in 1997, tested positive, then got away with it by writing a simple explanation letter to the ATP.  However, very few people know about the underlying reason for this seemingly pointless admission – Agassi’s ongoing contest with Boris Becker to see who can dominate the tennis spotlight.

What? I hear you say.  Allow me to explain.

All one has to do is to take a look at the careers and post-career lives of these two great tennis champions.

First set

Boris Becker played 15 years of professional tennis, was number 1 in the world and claimed 6 grand slam titles.  Andre Agassi, on the other hand, stuck around for 20 years, was also number 1 in the world at some stage, and bagged 8 grand slam titles, including the rare career grand slam.  Strictly speaking, Agassi has probably had a slightly more impressive career based on titles alone.  Further, Agassi has a 10-4 record against Becker, including a 4-1 record in grand slam matches.  The first set goes to Agassi, 6-4.

Second set

However, the real battle between these two warriors took place outside the tennis courts.  Both men craved the spotlight, and it was only a matter of time before they started trying to outdo each other.

Boris Becker, with his attacking style, struck first, marrying famous photographer Barbara Feltus in 1993 by first getting her pregnant.  The couple also caused shockwaves when they posed nude together in a photo taken by Babara’s father before the wedding.  Becker had captured the spotlight of the tennis world off the court, and for a while, there was no one to challenge him.

Enter Andre Agassi, who either intentionally or inadvertently stole the spotlight from Becker with a high profile celebrity wedding of his own.  Agassi, the natural baseliner known for his defensive brilliance, took his time, dating actress Brooke Shields from 1993 (perhaps already with Becker in mind) and wedding her in 1997.  It was a stormy relationship that the media feasted on, snatching away the attention so dearly craved by Becker.  Easy second set for Agassi, 6-2.

andre-agassi-usa_06

Andre Agassi

Third set

Frustrated, Becker planned his next move, only to be caught off-guard by a pre-emptive strike from Agassi, who rocked the tennis world again by ending his marriage with Brooke Shields in April 1999.  Not to be outdone, a furious Becker initiated a separation from his own wife in December of the same year.  To kick it up a notch, there was the whole debacle surrounding the pre-nup the couple signed, which brought more media scrutiny than even Becker had hoped for.  Thanks to the messy divorce settlement, Becker finally edged Agassi this time in a tie-break, 7-6 (11-9).

Fourth set

From here, both tennis greats stepped up their games and took the rivalry to a new level.  First Agassi began dating one of the greatest female tennis players of all time, Steffi Graf, after the French Open champion’s ball in 1999.  Two of the greatest of all time dating?  It was a strange doubles combination, that’s for sure, but think about the kids they’d have!

But Becker brought his A-game this time and dropped a bombshell on Agassi and the tennis world by revealing that he had impregnated a waitress in the broom closet of Nobu in London after his last match in 1999 (following Wimbledon).  Just to milk it a bit more, Becker initially denied paternity, claiming that he was an ‘unseeded’ player, until a DNA test confirmed what he had known all along.

Nevertheless, the impact was undeniable.  Becker was king of the headlines once more, and as a result people barely flinched when Agassi and Graf married in 2001.  A big comeback for Becker, 6-1 in the fourth set!

becker

Boris Becker

Final set

From here, with the match tied 2 sets apiece (6-4, 6-2, 6-7, 1-6), the two men were exhausted and struggled to come up with new material.  Agassi and Graf started pumping out kids and made a few headlines when they played doubles together.  Becker, on the other hand, went through a custody battle and another broken engagement through which he was dumped by text message.  It was all very tame and both men were have difficult coping without controversy.

Becker even tried to relive some of his best moments when he recently (a week before Agassi’s latest revelations) declared that the daughter he had with the waitress was actually conceived on an uncomfortable set of stairs as opposed to a broom closet.  Regardless, he admitted in shame that it was the quickest match he had ever played, prompting suggestions that there were other reasons apart from his powerful serve that earned him the nickname ‘Boom Boom’.  Indeed, the waitress recently likened Becker to a “runaway train” in her new tell-all book In One Breath (named after the length of the encounter).

Just when the two champions appeared to be heading down an endless fifth set with each unable to break the serve of the other, Agassi stunned the world with his latest drug revelations.  One of the greatest tennis players of all time not only took ice, but he had also gotten away with it!  Let’s not forget, 5 of Agassi’s 8 grand slams were won after 1997 – if he had been banned from tennis the way he should have, then Becker probably would have won their secret contest already.

The disappointment in Becker was apparent for all to witness in his latest interview, where he said: ”I’m the last person to throw stones, as there have been some difficult times in my own life (emphasis added), but to hear that he took crystal meth, that certainly puts a whole new light on Andre.  And it’s not a beautiful light.”

”There have been stories over the years about some tennis players taking drugs, but maybe they were just stories, and now Andre, a big star, has been so open about what he took and how he lied to avoid punishment. I’m struggling to think of anything else in tennis that comes close to this.”  At this point, Boris whipped out some old newspaper clippings of his Nobu scandal, but no one seemed to notice.

”Andre didn’t just take drugs, he also tested positive for drugs and then got away with it, and that’s not good at all for tennis, especially for the governing bodies,” Becker said. ”People are going to be thinking, ‘How could this happen?  How could he get away with this?’”

Clearly, the fact that Agassi ‘got away with it’ has plagued Becker, who added: “If it had been made public in 1997 that Andre was using drugs, his career, and his life, would have been very different.  He wouldn’t be where he is today.  Maybe his career would not have survived if everyone knew that he had taken drugs, and if he was banned from the tour for a while.  But no one knew until now, and it was after he took crystal meth that he played some of the best tennis of his life.  He won many grand slams after that.”

For the last person to throw stones, that’s certainly a lot of rocks!

Perhaps sensing that defeat was inevitable, Becker threw in a futile last-ditch effort, reminding everyone that in his own memoir, he admitted to washing down sleeping pills with whisky.  I’m sure he wanted to say: “That’s almost as bad as ice!”  Unfortunately, victory had already slipped out of his grasp.

Game.  Set.  Match.

Agassi defeats Becker, 6-4, 6-2, 6-7 (11-9), 1-6, 27-25, in their secret contest.

RIP Patrick Swayze September 15, 2009

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Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in one of the most memorable scenes of all time

Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in one of the most memorable scenes of all time

Sad news.  Actor Patrick Swayze, probably best known for, ironically, Ghost, passed away today after a difficult struggle with pancreatic cancer.  He was just 57 years old.

I’m not a huge fan of Swayze, but he’s a guy that I’m likely to recall with fond memories twenty years from now.   If nothing, he’s been in some real memorable movies.  In all likelihood, women will remember Swayze most for his vomit-inducing performance in Dirty Dancing, though my favourite film with him was probably the surfy action flick  Point Break with Keanu Reeves.  Sure, he was in ‘classics’ such as Road House and Next of Kin, but I consider those guilty pleasures rather than truly crap films.  The Outsiders, Young Blood, City of Joy, Donnie Darko – that’s a pretty solid filmography.  He will be missed.